Self-esteem in children and young people
Self-esteem is how someone feels about themselves. When someone has good self-esteem, it helps them feel confident and trust in their own abilities. When someone has low self-esteem, they’re more likely to be negative about their worth.
If your child has low self-esteem, you can support them to feel more positive.
If you have a toddler, there are things you can do to build their resilience from an early age.
Signs of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem looks different in everyone. But some signs of low self-esteem in children and young people include:
- comparing themselves to others
- social anxiety or avoiding time with friends
- blaming themselves for things
- thinking they are ‘bad’ at everything or fearing failure
- trying to please others
- being defensive when they feel criticised
- avoiding doing things they used to enjoy
- neglecting or harming themselves
If your child has low self-esteem they may do some or all these things. If you think your child is hurting themself, it’s important to get support.
Causes of low self-esteem
Children and young people can have low self-esteem for many reasons. The things that happen in their life and the people around them can all play a part.
This can also change with age. Around the age of 7, children start to understand and feel more complex emotions but don’t always know how to deal with them. This can be especially hard for neurodivergent or disabled children, who may develop differently to some of their peers.
Your child might have low self-esteem due to:
- feeling like they don’t fit in or having poor body image
- people criticising them often or bullying them
- comparing themself to what they see on social media
- unhealthy friendships or relationships
- changes at home that they are finding hard
Think about your child’s day to day situation and if anything has changed recently. Something that seems small to you may feel big to your child.
Helping a child with low self-esteem
It may take time to help improve your child’s self-esteem and confidence. Be patient and let them know that you’re there when they need you.
It can help to remind yourself what it was like to be their age. Reflect on some of the things they could be facing, like pressure and a need for validation from their peers.
Love and appreciate them
Let them know how much you love them and appreciate them. Tell them something positive every day. You could:
- praise them when they work hard on something
- thank them for helping with household chores
- notice when they do something kind
Encourage them to recognise what they like about themself.
Help them learn to be proud of their efforts
Praise them for taking part and learning rather than getting results. This helps them put importance on learning rather than being the best.
Show them how to set small challenges for themself and help them feel pleased with their effort. Learn to celebrate all progress, large or small, together.
Help them understand that they are not always going to excel at everything. Everyone has something they are good at and everyone struggles with something.
Teach them about interacting with others
Encourage them to help other people. This might be supporting a friend or family member or volunteering. This helps them learn new skills and feel good about helping others.
Spend time doing activities with a competitive element and show them it’s OK to lose. Try watching a sport they like and talk about how you love the team whether they win or lose.
Talk to them about being assertive with other people.
If your child finds socialising difficult, work with them to build their confidence around others. Let them know it’s OK to feel as they do and give them a safe space to come back to. You can also find ways to support your child is if you think they are being bullied.
Talk to them about social media and self-esteem
Social media may be one of the ways your child makes connections or gets support. But it’s also helpful to understand the effect some content may have on their self-esteem.
Research the apps and websites they are using. Take time to think together about when social media is a helpful or harmful influence. Talk to your child and listen to what they have to say.
You might want to talk with them about:
- why your child enjoys social media
- the type of accounts they follow
- what they find hard about social media
- whether ‘likes’ on a post is valuable feedback and why
- how effects and filters can change images and distort reality
- how people often only post what they want others to see
Teach them self-respect
Help your child learn the importance of respecting their own wants and needs. If you can, get them to reflect on their own value. Discuss why it’s important to avoid doing what others do or want if it doesn’t feel right.
One way to do this is to get them to notice the words they use to describe themselves in their mind. If these are negative, ask them what they would say to a friend who felt bad about themselves. Help them see that they deserve the same level of kindness and compassion.
Use a diary to boost self-esteem
Your child can keep a diary to help them spot when things go well and what they’re good at.
This activity is good for all ages. It could help your child to use prompts like:
- today I had fun when…
- I helped someone to…
- something I did well today was…
- a nice thing someone did for me today was…
- today was interesting because…
- I felt good about myself today when…
- I felt proud today when…
They could talk, draw or write something about each point. It’s helpful to make a new list of successes every day. But your child can do this as often as they like.
Reflect on your own behaviour
Show your child what healthy self-esteem looks like in your own behaviour. You can do this by:
- recognising and talking about your own strengths
- showing them it’s OK to make mistakes and that you can learn from these
- sharing difficult emotions, when it feels appropriate
- being aware of how you talk about your appearance to help them feel confident about their own body
- speaking to others in your family with kindness and respect
- being available to talk when they need you
If you’re struggling with your mental health, speak to a GP and ask about support in your local area.
Make time for talking and being together
Try to avoid making assumptions about what your child is going through.
How to practice active listening.
Children and teens won’t always want to talk but it can help them to know they’re not alone. Be present without pressuring. Sit nearby, let them know you’re available when they need you. Your calm presence can make a real difference.
You can also offer alternatives to talking. Sometimes emotions are easier expressed through actions. Encourage your child to write or draw to communicate or process their feelings.
Do fun things together. The more your child enjoys themselves, the better they can feel about themself.
Help them manage their mental health
Ask them what they need support with. Listen to their worries but try to help them reframe their thinking to focus on solutions.
Help them name their emotions and understand that some of them will feel uncomfortable but that’s OK.
Help your child deal with emotions.
If there is a specific change in their lives that is making things harder, try to help them process this.
Sometimes this might be changes in the family set up, for example, like separation or divorce.
Get more support
If you feel you and your child need more support, speak to your local services to find out what’s available. This could be your school or local family hub, for example.
If they are finding social situations difficult, think about what local clubs they might like.
If your child is struggling with something like anxiety or are harming themselves, ask a GP about mental health support.
Mind
Helpline for understanding mental health and information on where to get help near you.
Phone Infoline on 0300 123 3393 Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.
Email info@mind.org.uk
The Mix
Support for young people aged 11 to 25 who are struggling with their mental health.
Text THEMIX to 85258 any time.
Young people can also apply to get 8 counselling sessions by telephone and webchat.
Page last reviewed: May 2025
Next review due: May 2028
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
