Meltdowns and tantrums in toddlers and young children

It’s common for toddlers and young children to have emotional outbursts. As a parent or carer, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment to calm your child. Understanding what has caused your child’s reaction can help to prevent it happening again.

Meltdowns and tantrums can look very similar. Your child might cry, scream, shout, hit, kick or throw things.

Temper tantrums are your child’s response to feeling frustrated. It usually happens when they are not getting something they want, or they are struggling to tell you what they need. Tantrums usually fade out as your child learns other ways to communicate their feelings. This is usually around 4 years old but can take longer if your child’s speech and communication is delayed.

Meltdowns are an involuntary response to feeling overwhelmed. Your child might have a strong reaction like shouting, or they might freeze, withdraw or cover their eyes or ears. Children can feel overwhelmed by their emotions or their surroundings, especially if they are sensitive to sensory experiences.

Meltdowns might be more likely if your child is autistic.

Whether your child is having a tantrum or meltdown, there are things you can do to calm them down in the moment. It’s unlikely they’ll be able to listen, so don’t try to reason with them. You can talk to them about what’s happened later, once they’ve calmed down.

Keep them safe

Help your child get to a safe space. If your child becomes aggressive, make sure they and others are safe from harm before stepping away. You might need to clear things out of the way so they can’t break or cause injury.

Stay calm

Your child will need you to help them deal with their feelings, so try to stay calm. Let them see everything will be OK.

Stay close

If you need to step away from your child to keep yourself safe, stay in the room. Some children might like you to hold them or stroke them. Others may not want to be touched but need to know you’re close. If they’re not able to tell you what they need from you, you might try different approaches to see what they respond to.

Distractions

If your child isn’t too upset, you could offer a distracting game, toy or task. Sometimes when a child is very upset, distractions can add to the feeling of overwhelm. At these times you may just need to ensure they’re safe, then let them release whatever they’re feeling.

Once they are calm

Having a tantrum or meltdown can be exhausting. Let your child calm down before speaking to them and offering them some water or a healthy snack.

Get to know your child’s triggers (such as boredom, hunger or frustration). Try to tackle these before they cause a tantrum – for example, pack toys or snacks when you go out.

Children often get argumentative when they feel they never get their own way. Consider what they’re asking before saying no and try to compromise when you can.

Agree a signal your child can use to show you they’re feeling frustrated. If your child struggles to communicate with words, you could use pictures. You can then step in and talk them through a calming routine. Practise these at home, too.

Talk to them in a calm, quiet voice. When they are feeling tired or hungry it may take them longer to register and do what you are asking.

Praise your child when they stay calm in situations where they would usually have a tantrum. For example you could thank them for being patient while you’ were out shopping and offer them a small reward.

Get to know which situations trigger your child’s meltdowns. Then reduce or remove the triggers you can control. For example, avoid crowded markets and shop at quieter times.

At a time when your child is calm, talk to them about what things could help them when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Let them see the positive ways you handle stressful emotions.

You could also teach them calm-down routines, like:

• taking slow breaths
• making a soothing box
• going for walk
• making a glitter bottle

Page last reviewed: April 2025
Next review due: April 2028