Understanding and managing your teenager’s behaviour

As your child gets older and moves into adolescence, their behaviour may change. As a parent or carer, it can help to understand how to handle these changes, why they happen, and where to get support if their behaviour gets challenging.

Although these behaviours may concern or upset you, it is normal for a teenager to:

• want more time with friends, either in person or online
• spend more time in their room
• express that they feel misunderstood
• be less emotionally available to you and less affectionate
• have mood swings
• push boundaries and take risks
• be easily upset or angry
• be more concerned with their physical appearance
• struggle with sleep
• seem more secretive
• want more independence

A lot of the changes you’ll see in your teenager’s behaviour are because of the changes happening in their body and brain.

From the teens to the early 20s your child’s brain will go through big developments. These changes can:

• affect the way they sleep and think
• make them more reactive and impulsive
• lead them to take risks or act without thinking
• lead to them offending people or falling out with friends

BBC Bitesize has a video explaining the teenage brain.

At the same time, your child will be going through puberty. Changes in their hormones can cause their mood to change. They might have mood swings, feel overwhelmed or low in mood. Their physical changes and developing sexual awareness can make them feel self-conscious or secretive.

The sexual health and wellbeing charity, Brook, has more information about puberty.

Their social life is also changing. When they start secondary school, they might make new friends and prefer spending time with them over time with you. They also may spend more time online as this is where they communicate with their friends. At this age, young people start to become independent and begin to discover who they are as individuals. This is a normal part of growing up and becoming more self-sufficient.

You might worry about what your teenager is doing when they’re not with you, especially if they have become more secretive. Some behaviours might put them at risk of harm or getting in trouble. If your teenager is doing something that puts them at risk, you can get help.

Read our advice on:

• dealing with violent behaviour
• healthy relationships and consent
• child criminal exploitation
• understanding county lines
• school exclusions

It’s important to set boundaries, even if your teenager pushes against them. Boundaries can guide them and help them feel safe.

It can help to approach boundaries as agreements rather than rules. Ask them what they think is fair and safe. This can get them thinking about what could go well or badly in a situation.

Often you’ll be able to find a compromise. It can help to think about what rules are most important to you and why. Be honest with them and explain what you are concerned about. Encourage them to explain what is important to them.

If your child breaks an agreement, you can give them a consequence. Try to make this relatable to the behaviour that has led to the consequence. For example, if they make a mess, they clean it up. If your child needs support, you can offer to do it with them. This can help them learn a new skill and rebuild trust between you. Afterwards, thank them for doing the task.

If your child behaves in a way you don’t like, try to understand their choices before reacting. If the situation doesn’t need addressing immediately, give yourself time to calm down and think about how you’d like to respond.

When you talk with your teenager about an issue, they might feel defensive. It can help to think about how you respond to conflict to understand how they’re feeling. Focusing on yourself instead of blaming or accusing them can reduce conflict. One way to do this is to use “I” instead of “you” statements. So instead of saying “you never listen to me”, say “I feel frustrated when I feel like you’re not listening.”

When things have calmed down after a tense conversation, it can help to reflect together. Talk about what went well, what went badly and what you have learned from it.

Read more about helping your child or teenager manage anger.

Make a habit of noticing when your child makes thoughtful decisions or behaves in a way that shows effort or care. Praise them when they handle situations well. Highlighting what they did well can boost their self-esteem and confidence in their choices. Let them know that you love them and appreciate the effort they are making.

Encourage them to talk to you about their choices. You can:

• ask them about what’s important to them and why
• try not to tell them what you think they should do differently
• encourage them to think about what could happen, what could go wrong and how they would manage it
• Learning from mistakes and working out how to get through a difficult situation are important life skills for your teenager to learn.

Read our advice on how to improve your relationship with your teenager.

You won’t always get it right and you and your child won’t always agree. They are on the way to becoming an adult and have their own thoughts and opinions based on their life experience. Explain the reasons behind your choices and listen to theirs. Even if they don’t get the outcome they want, its important they know you love them and care about their opinion.

If you need more help with your teenager’s behaviour. It can help to talk to:

• your child’s school or college
• early help services
• a GP, if your child is struggling with their mental health
• one of our parenting coaches

Parenting courses can help you to manage your teenager’s behaviour. You can find courses in your area on your local council website.

You can also read about support if you’re affected by your child’s behaviour.

Page last reviewed: July 2025
Next review due: July 2028