Support your child if they’re worried about seeing their other parent 

When you’re co-parenting, children can sometimes develop worries about seeing their other parent. This can happen even if you have a positive co-parenting relationship and contact agreement.

There are many possible causes and these feelings can affect children of any age. You may find it also makes you feel more anxious or puts a strain on your co-parenting relationship.

There are a few things to think about and actions you can take.

Talk to your child about what’s worrying them. Take care to listen and consider their feelings.

Some children may find going between homes unsettling. If your child is older, they may want to spend time with their friends over the weekends. If your child sees the other parent at the weekend or during holidays, remember that this is their time to relax.

It can help to:

• check in with your child on whether they can express their wishes and needs with the other parent
• avoid putting pressure on them
• make sure they can talk to you about any worries they have
• think about how their experiences might differ between homes

It’s helpful if rules and expectations are similar for you child in both places.

Try to avoid blaming or talking negatively about the other parent in front of your child. Show your child that you’re supportive of them seeing their other parent, as long as they are safe. Sometimes children can feel worried about going to the other parent because they don’t want to upset you.

If your child is struggling with anxious feelings or doesn’t want to talk, you can:

• suggest your child writes their feelings in a notebook
• create a worry box to put their worries into
• draw a worry monster together to eat their worries (for younger children)
• spend time playing with your child, to help give them time to express their feelings
• help them think about if you can help change the thing they’re worried about (try the worry tree activity)

If your child is older, read our advice on talking about difficult topics.

If you feel your child is safe with the other parent, you can:

• talk about the positive things that will happen when they see their other parent
• focus on the return, rather than the separation
• ask them what they liked the last time they visited and what they want to do when they visit this time

Try to find out what would make it easier for them. If your child has a special toy, comforter or item they could take with them, this might give them a feeling of control.

Speak to the co-parent about any concerns. If you find it hard to be calm when talking to them, use text or email. Try to keep the tone of the conversation positive.

You could:

• talk about how you can both help make your child feel more happy and secure
• look at whether you need to adjust your current set up to meet your child’s needs
• suggest shorter visits for a while or find another way to be flexible with contact arrangements

Keep disagreements away from your child. This will help them feel safe, secure and happy when going to see their other parent.

If your child has raised concerns or you feel they may be at risk of harm, seek advice before enforcing contact. Read our advice on what to do if you’re worried your child isn’t safe with the other parent.

If there is a court order in place for contact, get legal advice on your rights and responsibilities.

Raise any concerns with your local children’s services.

You can also get advice from the NSPCC helpline.