How to co-parent with your ex partner

Co-parenting can be one of the biggest challenges if you’re not with your child’s other parent. That doesn’t mean it’s always hard or unpleasant. It can be a positive experience that plays a big role in how children grow and develop.

Even if you get on well with your child’s other parent, it can take both parents some time to adjust.

Work together as a team. This usually means making a few compromises and letting go of being right. Being united in your decisions gives your children clear ideas of rules and what to expect. It also helps them see a positive example of co-parenting.

Try to agree how you’ll approach important things, like your child’s safety. There might be other things where you have different approaches. that’s OK as long as your child understands that one parent does it one way and the other parent does it another way. Read our advice on how to deal with differences in parenting styles.

Communicate when needed with your child’s other parent. Be open and clear about anything that’s frustrating or worrying you. When you’re talking about difficult issues, try to stay calm.

Keep your child in mind to put them at the centre of your parenting.

It can help to:

• think about your child’s needs and wellbeing before big discussions
• have conversations when your child isn’t around, if possible
• think about what your child sees and hears when you talk to each other and how they might feel
• aim to reach a compromise that is best for your child

Take some time to think about your parenting style. The way you parent will be influenced by your own experiences.

You can also look into joining a parenting course. This is a way to reflect and learn new parenting techniques. It’s a good opportunity to meet other parents and swap stories about things you’ve tried. Search online for your local council family information service – they can tell you what’s available in your area.

If you have a 0 to 5 year old, you can learn about parenting styles in our Building Blocks to Parenting course.

Write a parenting plan. This is an informal document that gives parents the chance to make decisions and record them.

Your plan might include:

• how important decisions will be made
• how you will communicate and deal with disagreements
• your child’s living arrangements
• rules for the child in both their homes
• agreements about money
• how you will be involved in your child’s health and education

With Cafcass’ Our Child’s Plan, you can make a plan online or download a template.

If you’re unable to reach an agreement with your ex partner, you can try family therapy or mediation.

If something your co-parent does is affecting your child, try to explain this to them.

Read our advice if you’re worried your child isn’t safe with their other parent.

Page last reviewed: December 2025
Next review due: December 2028