Helping your child adjust to a blended family

Every family has its own joys and frustrations. This is true of blended families, when one or both partners have children from other relationships. Adjusting to a new family set-up is a time of change for everyone.

Don’t worry if it takes longer than you think to build your routines and relationships with each other. If you need some outside support, you could consider family counselling.

It’s important to give children time to adjust to changes. Don’t rush things. They might not like your new partner or their children right away, and that’s OK.

If you have your own child or children, make time for them. Have regular one-to-one contact so they can talk things through with you and enjoy time with you on their own. Make sure they know that you’re there to listen when they’re ready to talk.

It can help to:

• Reassure them. They may worry about change, especially if other children will be coming into the home.
• Recognise their feelings of sadness, confusion or anger. Keep telling them that you love them and will be there for them.
• Two households means a different sets of rules and expectations. Talk about rules, routines and values you want in your shared household before moving in.

Set ground rules with your partner about disciplining each other’s children. This can be one of the trickiest things to manage. Talk about the rules with your children so they understand what’s expected of them.

Try to keep positive relationships with any ex partners. Keeping things peaceful can help with setting routines and pick-ups and drop offs.

Remember to make time for your relationship, too. Spending time together and having fun will make it easier to cope with any challenges when they arise. If you’re able to work together on issues, your children will see this.