Christmas can be a challenging time for co-parents. You may feel some difficult emotions or it might be hard to decide on the right plans for everyone. It’s likely that you will both want to spend time with your child. Sometimes, one parent may not be able to see their child.
If you can, work with your co-parent to plan with your child in mind.
Some co-parents will have a court order that says when you can each see your child. If you have a court order, be aware of what is included.
Some people will make an agreement when they separate without a court involved. If this is the case, you may need to have a conversation with the other parent to work out a plan for Christmas.
Read more information on making child arrangements.
Try to keep your child’s feelings at the centre of your plans. They may feel some complex emotions about not seeing their other parent or upset if things have changed.
Creating new traditions might help with these feelings. See what you can do together to have fun in the moment.
If your relationship with your co-parent is positive, think about if you can spend some of the day together or split key days between you. Try to make the agreement feel fair. You may also need to consider extended family.
If your relationship with the other parent is difficult, you may need to try different ways to communicate. It could help to use a neutral third party or access a mediation service.
If you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship, read about:
It may not feel easy but try to keep the experience positive for your child. Make any move between homes as calm and cheerful as possible. Avoid putting pressure on your child to choose or make them feel guilty about spending time with the other parent.
Christmas can still be special time for you and your child. It may help to think of it as an opportunity to create new memories and traditions together.
If you can’t see your child at Christmas, you may feel some difficult or painful emotions. You can read our advice to help you cope with not seeing your child.
If you have friends and family you feel able to talk to, ask for support. If you feel that being at home alone may be too difficult, look for things that are happening in your area. There are often activities set up for people who are facing Christmas alone.
Plan how you might spend the day or the Christmas period and prepare yourself for the feelings you may experience.
If you can contact your child, it may help to find ways to be part of their Christmas even if you can’t be with them in person. You could:
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
