If you have a child that you don’t see often or at all, it can feel unfair or even devastating. Missing your child can affect your daily life and you might have feelings of grief or loss.
There are lots of reasons a parent might not see their child. If your child is in the care system, you can get advice from Family Rights Group.
If you’ve lost contact with your child after separation or divorce, you might feel angry, upset and helpless. Understanding your rights as a parent and knowing where to go for support can help you through this difficult time.
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when you’re separated from your child. Talking to someone about how you’re feeling can help to give you the strength to take positive action.
You could talk to:
You can also read our advice if you’re feeling lonely.
You only need to involve a court in contact arrangements if both parents can’t agree. The court will decide what is best for the child. A court will usually find that it is best for the child to have contact with both parents, unless there is a reason they believe the child wouldn’t be safe with their parent.
You have a right to be involved in important decisions in your child’s life, like where they live and go to school, if you have parental responsibility. You don’t automatically have a right to see your child if you don’t live with them.
If you need legal advice, you can speak to:
The legal process can be difficult and can take a long time. But getting legal advice can give you a sense of direction and help you to work out what the next steps could be.
Where possible, it’s best to work with your children’s other parent to find an arrangement that is best for your child. If you can, try to resolve any issues without going to court. You can read our advice on making contact arrangements.
If it’s not possible to resolve issues by talking to the other parent, you might need to go to meditation. This might be because the relationship has completely broken down. If your ex-partner was abusive or controlling, a domestic abuse service can help you as mediation might not be suitable.
Whether you see your child sometimes or not at all, there are things you can do to have a good relationship with your child when you don’t live with them.
If a court has ruled that you can’t have contact with your child, it can be very difficult to come to terms with this decision. Depending on the circumstances, there might be ways that you can keep updated about how your child is getting on from a social worker or carer.
When your child is an adult, they will get to decide how much contact they have with you. Some parents who lose contact with their child find it helps to write letters or keep diaries to give to their child when they grow up. This can help your child to understand that even though you were separated, you still loved them and were thinking of them.
There are lots of other charities and organisations that can help you. You can contact:
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
