If you think you could be being abused by someone you parent with, get help as soon as you can. Abuse can take many forms and it is useful to recognise the signs.
If you’re worried someone is watching what websites you look at, Stop Domestic Abuse has advice on how to hide your browsing history.
Domestic abuse is any kind of abuse from someone you live with or have a close relationship with.
Abuse is any behaviour that harms, punishes, or frightens you. This could be:
Coercive control is an ongoing pattern of acts of abuse that might include any of these. People of any gender can abuse or be abused. Domestic abuse, including coercive control, is illegal in the UK.
Read Victim Support advice on recognising the signs of domestic abuse.
If you or your family are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
If it’s not safe to speak on the phone, press 55 on a mobile once you’re through to the 999 operator. This will transfer the call to the police. You can then tap or cough to answer.
Calling 999 from a landline gives the police your location. They will not know your location if you call from a mobile.
You can also register in advance to be able to text 999.
If you don’t want to involve the police, domestic abuse charities can also help you get to safety. These helplines have limited hours unless stated as 24 hour.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Loving Me (for transgender and non-binary people)
These helplines listed should all be UK wide. There are also national services in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales that give support to anyone in these countries who is affected by domestic abuse.
Domestic and Sexual Violence Helpline
Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline
If you feel able to talk to someone you trust, don’t wait for an emergency to do so. If you have children or are pregnant you could talk to your:
These people will be able to help you to understand what your next steps may be. You can also contact the police for advice.
Planning how to leave an abusive situation can help protect you and your children. It’s a good idea to get help around this from a professional from your local domestic abuse service, who can support you in doing this safely. In the meantime making a safety plan can be a good step to take towards protecting you and your children. IDAS (Independent Domestic Abuse Services) has useful advice on how to make a plan.
If your abuser is controlling your finances, help is available. Scope has advice on how to get financial support to leave an abusive home.
Many pharmacies and banks are part of the UK Says No More safe space scheme. This means you can ask a member of staff to use their safe space. You can also ‘ask for Ani’. This is a code phrase that means you are asking for a safe space.
You will be shown to a private room that you can use however you need to. For example, you could contact friends, family or specialist support services.
If you need to access a safe space to start getting help, find your nearest safe space provider.
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
