Talking to your teenager about healthy relationships and consent

As your teenager starts to explore new relationships, you may worry if they will be able to recognise unhealthy behaviour from their friend or partner. Conversations about consent can feel difficult, especially when relationship norms seem very different from when you were growing up.

Consent is not just about sex. It can include privacy, boundaries, respect, pressure and control. Understanding this can help you have more open conversations with your teenager and spot signs that they might need support.

Most teenagers will learn about consent through PSHE lessons.

Schools often cover:

• healthy relationships
• friendships and family relationships
• sexual consent and sexual assault
• sharing sexual images
• online safety, use of AI and sexting

Many schools start teaching about healthy relationships in primary school. Some schools also add extra lessons if issues such as image sharing or online abuse become a concern. These lessons are important, but they are only one part of your child’s learning.

It can help to think about consent as something teenagers practise every day, such as:

• respecting someone’s privacy
• listening when someone says no
• asking before sharing information about someone
• respecting personal space
• recognising when someone feels pressured

Children learn about consent long before they start dating. This might include respecting a sibling’s boundaries, accepting when someone does not want a hug, or recognising when a friend is making them uncomfortable.

Many young people understand what consent means. The challenge is using that knowledge when they feel pressure from friends or a romantic partner.

You could explore questions such as:

• “What would make someone agree to something they do not want to do?”
• “Would you worry about losing a friendship?”
• “Would you feel awkward saying no?”

It’s good to focus on where pressure may come from rather than just talking about rules. A fear of rejection, wanting to fit in and wanting a relationship to continue can all influence decisions.

Teenagers are often more open when conversations happen naturally. Instead of sitting down for a formal talk about the subject, it can help to approach it in a more relaxed way. You could try talking while driving or walking together, which helps to make the conversation feel more casual. Or discuss storylines from films or TV programmes while you watch together.

You could also share age-appropriate experiences from your own life. Or talk about situations your teen has been in before and reflect on them together. These conversations can help your teenager think about how situations feel in real life, not just in theory.

Some behaviours can look caring at first but become controlling over time. Some possible red flags you can encourage your child to be mindful of include:

• expecting constant replies to messages
• wanting access to someone’s phone
• always sharing their location
• becoming upset when a partner spends time with friends
• changing appearance to please a partner

It’s good to remind your teen that healthy relationships allow both people to have boundaries, friendships and interests outside the relationship. A relationship should enhance your child’s life, not become their entire source of happiness or self-worth.

Changes in relationship dynamics can happen gradually, which sometimes makes an unhealthy relationship difficult to spot. Being in a relationship that is controlling or manipulative can have a big impact on your teen’s behaviour, self-esteem and general wellbeing.

Signs your child may be in an unhealthy relationship include:

• spending less time with friends
• withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy
• becoming secretive
• receiving constant messages
• worrying excessively about upsetting a partner
• changing clothes or behaviour to meet someone else’s expectations
• becoming dependent on one person for reassurance

This can occur with friendships as well as romantic relationships, so it can start much younger than you might expect.

Your teen will not always make perfect decisions and knowing they can come to you afterwards for support can make a big difference. Young people often avoid telling parents about difficult situations because they fear being judged or told off.

You can help by listening before reacting and staying calm where possible. Try asking questions rather than making assumptions and focus on solutions instead of blame.

This can make it easier for your teenager to ask for help when something goes wrong.

Many parents struggle to balance supervision and privacy. When you’re concerned about your teen’s safety, you may feel like the only way to find out what’s happening is to read their diary, check their phone, monitor their messages or access their private accounts.

Monitoring your teen in this way can damage their trust in you and encourage more secrecy. But at the same time, you have a responsibility to keep your child safe. Finding the right balance will depend on your child’s age, needs and circumstances.

If you think your teenager may be experiencing harassment, coercive behaviour or abuse, you do not have to manage it alone. You can get support from:

School staff

Schools often see friendship groups and relationship dynamics that parents may not notice.

Specialist services

There are several support services available for you and your child such as:

• Childline
• NSPCC
• YoungMinds
• Youth Access
• Respect
• Act On It
• SARSAS
• Independent Domestic Violence Advisors (IDVAs)
• Sidekick

Trusted adults

Some teenagers find it easier to talk to:

• an older sibling
• another family member
• a teacher
• a trusted adult

It doesn’t have to be you, as long as they are talking to someone trusted and getting support.

Page last reviewed: 29th September 2026