Leaving a relationship is never an easy choice, especially if you have a child. There are some things to think about and ways to help your family cope with any changes.
Only you will know if you should leave your partner. But you might feel it’s time to leave your relationship if:
It might help to talk to family or friends, if you’re able to do this. You can also check for free or low-cost counselling services in your local area. Counselling may be worth trying first if you think there is an issue in your relationship that could be resolved.
If you feel scared of or controlled by your partner, you could be experiencing domestic abuse. The practical steps you will need to take to leave might be different for this situation. There are organisations that offer support if you’re thinking about leaving an abusive relationship.
You may feel worried about the impact that separation will have on your child. It’s good to have a plan around how, where and when you end the relationship and how you will support them through the changes.
Like adults, children will experience a range of emotions when parents decide to separate or divorce. This could include shock, worry and anger. It’s normal for a child to feel these emotions. They will get through it with support and understanding.
Try to talk to your child about any changes that are happening. Think about the timing of this and try to explain in a way that feels right for your child’s age. Listen to any worries and try to answer any questions. It’s also OK to say you don’t know the answer yet or need to think about something, but will come back to them.
They might want to talk about where they will live and how often they will see each of you, for example. If possible, have both parents present for this. Your child will need time to process so make sure you create opportunities for more conversations.
It can help to:
Read about helping your child cope with change.
If your child doesn’t want to talk or you think they need more support, speak to the school or the GP about local services. Try asking if they can refer your child to counselling or play therapy.
Confidential helpline for young people in the UK, run by Action for Children.
Text 07888 868 059 Monday to Friday.
Email help@sidekick.actionforchildren.org.uk
Confidential support for anyone under 19.
Phone 0800 1111 or message a counsellor online any time.
Support for young people aged 11 to 25 who are struggling with their mental health.
Text THEMIX to 85258 any time.
Young people can also apply to get 8 counselling sessions by telephone and webchat.
Talking to a partner about separating can be difficult, even if you think things will be amicable between you. You may both have strong emotions and worries.
If this is the first time you’ve spoken to the other parent about separation, they may take some time to accept the situation. If you can be patient, this might help everyone cope with the change.
Try to find a time when your child isn’t home to talk to your partner. It may help to:
If the conversation becomes a conflict, try taking a break before carrying on. If your partner refuses to talk, you may need to state what you intend to do instead.
When you feel able to discuss practical considerations, keeping your child’s needs at the heart of your conversation can help.
If you need extra support, you could consider mediation. You could also think about relationship counselling from Relate. These are both paid-for services.
If you are in employment, check if your employer offers family counselling as part of its benefits package.
If you are leaving your relationship, it can help to think about:
You may need to think a bit differently if you don’t have any money to leave a relationship.
It might help to make a checklist of all the things you need to do, and who you need to tell.
Some solicitors offer a free session where you could talk through your rights. You can also get support with questions about practical worries and your rights from Citizens Advice.
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
