What to do if you think your child is being bullied
When your child is being bullied, it may be difficult to know how to support them.
Bullying can happen in person or online or both at the same time. It can be physical, verbal or social. If you’re not sure what your child is experiencing is bullying, the Anti-Bullying Alliance has videos and information about different types of bullying.
Spot the signs
Signs that your child might be being bullied include:
- acting differently or appearing anxious
- changes to eating and sleeping habits
- developing low self-esteem
- stopping the things they usually enjoy
- withdrawing from family and friends
- seeming moody or getting upset more easily
- avoiding certain situations like taking the bus to school
- not wanting to go to school
- avoiding being online or their phone or being on it more than usual
- having visible bruises or injuries
- self-harm
- developing suicidal thoughts and feelings
- bullying others
Your child might not show all these signs at the same time, and these won’t always be signs that they are getting bullied.
Talk to your child
If you suspect bullying, talk to your child. Ask them how you can support them.
If they’re reluctant to talk, try to find ways to speak about bullying in a more general way. For example, you might watch a situation on a TV show and ask your child what they think the person should have done or if they’ve ever seen anything similar. You could also speak about experiences that you or another family member had at that age.
If your child doesn’t want to talk at all but you’re still worried, see if there is someone else who might be able to support. This could be a counsellor, teacher, youth leader or another family member.
Check your child can ask for help
Make sure your child knows they can ask for help. It’s important they tell someone they trust what’s happening. This is not grassing or telling tales. Help them identify who they can go to.
If bullying is happening at school or on the way to or from school, encourage your child to report every incident. If they feel unable to do this, alert the school as soon as they’ve told you. Tell your child you are planning to do this and let them know that it will help the school to investigate.
Make a safety plan
Bullying is never OK and shouldn’t be ignored. If your child has reported what’s happening but it hasn’t stopped or if they’re worried that it could get worse, its important for them to find ways to feel safe. You can help your child by creating a safety plan with them. Talk to them about where and when the incidents are most likely to happen. Look at ways they may be able to keep themselves safer. These include:
- taking an alternative route to a destination
- making sure they have people with them that they trust at times they may be vulnerable, such as at break and lunch time
- staying in open spaces in clear view of trusted adults or other children
Help them to understand where they should go, or who to talk to should they feel threatened. You can share this plan with the school and ask them to find extra solutions.
Block online bullying
If bullying is happening online, show your child how to block contacts and report anything malicious or triggering to the platform or app. Your child might need to do this more than once as bullies might set up more accounts after being blocked. Always alert the school to online bullying.
Read our article on more ways you can help your child stay safe online.
Understand why bullying happens
People often bully to feel like they have control and power. This can be because they feel powerless in another part of their life. They might be struggling with something, or may have been bullied themselves. This doesn’t make it OK to bully, but both the bully and the person who is being bullied will need some support.
A child may become involved in bullying without thinking about the consequences. For example, by liking an abusive comment made by one person to another, or following a hate site.
Tell the bully to stop
Discuss ways to tell the bully to stop. Your child should only do this if they feel comfortable. If speaking up seems hard, they should walk away and stay safe.
Some schools have protocols they use, such as holding up their hand and saying, “Stop. I don’t like this.” Talk to the school about the methods they use and ask for any resources that may be helpful to share with your child.
Suggest writing a diary
See if your child can keep a diary or a record of the bullying. Having a record can make it easier for others to understand what’s happening. It helps collect the evidence they might need to make it stop. It can be useful to include details such as:
- the time and place the bullying happened
- a brief description of events
- how it made them feel and other ways it may have affected them, such as physical pain or bruising
- who else was there at the time
Educate yourself
Be aware of the anti-bullying and behaviour policies at your child’s school and make sure they’re being followed. These may be available on your school’s website. If they’re not, ask the school office to email you a copy or print one off and give it to you.
You can also check the government website on how schools should deal with bullying.
Ask for school reports
If you reported something to your child’s school, ask for the outcome of the school’s investigation. Request copies of incident reports. The school may not be able to provide names or details of consequences, but it’s good to keep a record of the outcome.
Get more support
Talk to your child about whether they feel they can go to school while the bullying is going on. You can keep your child off school if you have concerns for your child’s mental or physical wellbeing, while you work with the school towards finding a solution. You do have a legal duty to send your child to school, so you will need to speak to the school about any decisions you make.
You and your child can get more advice from:
If your child needs to talk to someone they can contact:
Childline
Helpline for under 19 year olds in the UK.
Phone 0800 1111 any time day or night.
Email, webchat and BSL sign language chat are available through the website.
The Mix
Advice and support for children and young people under 25.
Text THEMIX to 85258 for crisis support any time day or night.
National Bullying Helpline
Help and advice for people experiencing bullying.
Phone 0300 323 0169, 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, 10am to 12pm on Saturday.
National Bullying Helpline website
Page last reviewed: February 2025
Next review due: February 2028
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
