What to do when your child won’t go to school
If your child is anxious about school, they might try to avoid going or even refuse to go. This can be worrying for you as their parent or carer.
It can help to understand the possible reasons why your child is refusing to go to school and what support they need. You can work with the school and other services to help them back to school or find another way to educate them.
Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA)
When a child feels too anxious to go to school, this is called emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA). It’s sometimes referred to as school refusal or school anxiety. When children miss school, this is sometimes described as ‘truancy’ or ‘skipping school’. Even if your child is skipping school, there can still be an emotional reason for this.
If your child won’t go to school, it’s important to focus on the reason for their anxiety to help them get back to school.
Depending on their age and development stage, your child with school anxiety might:
- be physically unwell before school
- refuse to leave the house to go to school in the morning
- become agitated or aggressive, particularly in the morning
- leave school or miss lessons during the day
- get upset and cling to you at drop off
Reasons for school anxiety
There are lots of reasons children can feel anxious about going to school. Understanding what they are anxious about is the first step to getting them the support they need at school.
Read our advice on how to help your child share their worries with you.
Friendships are an important part of your child’s school life. When they feel like they don’t have any friends, or if they have fallen out with a friendship group, this can leave them feeling lonely and isolated.
To support your child, you can:
- let them know they can talk to you about problems they’re having with friends
- encourage them to write down their feelings
- avoid getting involved yourself, instead teach them how to resolve conflict
- talk to them about finding other friends to spend time with at school
- encourage them to turn to a trusted adult if they are alone and without friends
- support them to make friends outside of school, perhaps by joining clubs or picking up hobbies
- tell the school, so they can help resolve issues and encourage other friendships
Older children and teenagers might also feel anxious about school if they’re going through a relationship breakup.
Your child has a right to feel safe at school and if they are avoiding school because they are being bullied or threatened, this needs to be taken seriously.
To support your child, you can:
- let them know they can tell you what’s going on
- listen to them and showing you understand
- help them make a plan to stay safe
- gather evidence to report it to the school or police
- read the school’s bullying policy, this should be on their website
- talk to your GP or a counsellor if it is affecting their mental health
You can also read our advice on what to do if your child is being bullied.
It’s not just the social side of school that can make your child feel anxious. Sometimes children worry about their schoolwork or other parts of school life. Try to talk to your child about their day and find out which part is troubling them.
Schoolwork
They might be struggling or feel like they are falling behind in a particular subject or they might have missed some homework.
PE lessons
If your child is insecure about their body or finds physical activity difficult, they could have anxiety about getting changed or the lessons themselves.
Break times
Some children find the unstructured time between lessons most difficult. This is the time when most bullying and issues with friends happen or your child might feel lonely. The lunch hall can be a noisy and busy place which can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent children. Sometimes children have issues with food and eating around other people, especially if they have an eating disorder.
Conflict with teachers
Your child might be avoiding a teacher who they feel doesn’t like them or is picking on them. If you are worried this is happening, report it to the school.
Sometimes there are short-term or long-term issues that can make it difficult to get your child to school.
Your child could feel too anxious to go to school if:
- they are a young carer and feel they have responsibility at home
- your family is impacted by domestic abuse or alcohol or drug misuse
- there has been a divorce, separation or bereavement in the family
- a parent or carer is away from home, such as working away or a parent is in prison
If there are things happening at home that your child might be worried about, let the school know. There are support services available to help you with things like home to school transport or getting a support plan. Find out how early help services can help.
Your child might also be anxious if they have recently moved or they are new to the school. This can be particularly difficult for families who move around a lot, such as families with a parent in the armed forces and Travellers.
There might be things going on for your child that aren’t related to home or school. They might be:
- experiencing low mood, depression or mental illness
- exploring their sexuality or gender identity
- going through hormonal changes and physical illness
- living with an eating disorder
It’s important to understand what your child is going through and get support.
Sometimes children feel upset or fearful about being separated from their parent or carer. This might happen if they are used to spending a lot more time with you. It’s common for children to experience some separation anxiety when they first start nursery or school.
Read our advice on helping your child with separation anxiety.
Older children can experience separation anxiety too, especially if they are neurodivergent or have mental health difficulties. They may find it difficult to be away from their support network and feel more anxious at school.
Helping your child back to school
If your child isn’t going to school, you might feel you need to get them back to school as soon as possible. The most important thing is to make sure your child feels supported through their anxiety. Then you can build a plan to get back to school.
Remember that your child is probably struggling with feeling anxious. Talk about what’s worrying them, making sure you listen to what they say.
Avoid arguing to get them into school and look at the underlying issue instead. This shows you are on their side, working towards the same goal.
Try to spot their triggers. If you notice what situations make them anxious, this can help you to find ways to support them.
Read our advice about anxiety and anxious feelings in children and teenagers.
You can also try worry management techniques with your child. They could:
- use ‘worry time’
- try the worry tree activity
- use the tools on the Decider Skills app
- practise breathing exercises and calming techniques
Use positive praise and reward with your child and make sure you notice any efforts they’re making. Be consistent with your approach. Make sure that you give your strategies time to work.
Read our advice on how to help if your child is anxious about changes or transitions at school.
Ensure that the morning routine stays the same, even if your child isn’t going to school. Get them to wake up at the same time and eat breakfast. Where possible, make the mornings feel normal.
It can help to:
- ask your child’s school to help set home-learning tasks
- put limits on gaming and TV time
- avoid giving them ‘fun’ food and treats
Create a plan with your child to help them overcome their worries.
- The first goal might be to complete the morning routine.
- Next, it might be travelling to school, but not going in.
- Then, try a morning or afternoon in school.
Talk to your child about any feelings or concerns they have during the process.
If your child becomes agitated or upset, take a couple of steps back and try again at a slower pace. If you are experiencing aggressive behaviour from your child, you can read our advice on dealing with violent behaviour.
If your child finds the idea of going back to school too much, you can break down the challenge into smaller parts and build up to it. This is particularly helpful for neurodivergent children. Instead of going from the morning routine to travelling to school without going in, you can add in some stages. For example, if your child usually catches the bus to school, you could try this is stages, like:
- go to the bus stop but don’t get on the bus
- get on the bus with a trusted adult or friend for one or two stops
- get on the bus and travel all the way to school with a trusted adult or friend
- get on the bus and travel to school while on the phone to a trusted adult or friend
- get on the bus and travel to school while listening to music
The idea is to increase your child’s confidence and decrease how much support they have at each stage. After some time, they should feel comfortable with that part of the process. Then you can look at working towards the next goal.
Working with the school
It’s best to work with the school wherever possible when you are having issues with school attendance, whatever the reason behind the issues.
It’s important to let the school know if your child is anxious about going in. If the school considers your child to be missing school without a good reason, they can take legal action.
If the school is concerned about your child’s attendance, there are certain steps they should take.
Your child’s school should send each parent a copy of their attendance policy at the start of the new year. This policy should also be made available on the school website.
This explains:
- their expectation for your child to be at school
- the circumstances when your child can miss school
- how you should let them know if your child is missing school
- what actions they will take if your child repeatedly misses school
Depending on the reasons your child may be struggling to go to school, you can look into the school’s policies and ensure that they are following their set rules. For example if your child has a special educational need or disability, or if they are being bullied, there will be separate policies for these.
If the school considers your child to be missing too much school without a good reason, they should send you a letter to invite you to a meeting. It’s important you respond to the letter and attend any meetings you’re asked to go to.
You can also make an appointment yourself if your child is avoiding school. You can speak to:
- your child’s class teacher
- the head of year or headteacher
- the school attendance lead
- the Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCo)
In the meeting, you should discuss any issues your child is having, in or out of school. Together you can work to create a support plan to get your child back in school. The school might suggest involving outside agencies to support your child.
Make sure you communicate with the school about any issues your child is having in or out of school. They should put a support plan in place based on what your child needs support with. Support plans should be reviewed regularly and shared with parents.
Support with issues in school
If your child feels unable to go to school due to something happening in school, the school should work with you and your child to resolve the issue.
Support with issues outside school
If the issues are outside of school, you will be expected to work with the school and other services to help overcome the issues. The school might offer additional support or refer you and your child to other services, such as Early Help.
Any plans and interventions should be agreed and monitored by all involved.
Support if your child has a special educational need or disability (SEND)
For ongoing or complex needs, schools and parents should work together, focus on the child, and involve other support services if needed. This might be the case if your child is missing school due to their physical or mental health or a special educational need or disability (SEND).
If your child has long term medical needs, you should tell the school and they should take this into account. GOV.UK has advice on illness and your child’s education.
If your child has a mental health condition such as anxiety or depression, the school should look for ways to support them with their mental health. Anna Freud has information about support schools can provide for mental health.
If your child already has an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), you can request a review if you feel that the support strategies in place are not effective.
If your child doesn’t have an EHCP, you can request an EHCP assessment for anxiety.
The school may be able to offer support with referrals to other professionals if they feel more support is needed that they are not able to provide.
The school should monitor your child’s support plan and change it if it isn’t working. They should only take more serious action if you and your child won’t engage with the plan or if they have no more options to try.
At this stage the school might refer you to your local authority’s School Attendance Support Team and they may take legal action. You can seek legal advice and support if this happens.
Getting help and support
Alongside the school, you can work with other professionals to get support for your child and build a record of evidence to help when you’re making a support plan.
If your child has a special educational need or disability, you can contact your local SEND information and advice service. They are run by the local council or commissioned third parties and are there to offer support to children and young people with SEN and their parents.
Every school has a named EWO. You can ask the school to refer you to the Education Welfare Service and they will meet with you and your child to discuss any issues they are having with going to school.
This service is there to identify and coordinate any professionals needed to support your child. You can ask the school to refer you or you can refer yourself. Find out more about early help.
The school nursing service is run by your local NHS trust. They work with you, your child and the school to ensure your child’s health and wellbeing. If their mental or physical health is making it hard for your child to go to school, the nursing team can offer advice and support.
If your child is feeling anxious, it is a good idea to talk to their GP. They can make referrals to other services for help and you might need a medical record of your child’s anxiety if you are applying for an EHCP.
If your child is under the care of any other health professionals like a speech and language therapist or a paediatrician, they can also provide evidence for a support plan or EHCP.
CYMPMHS or CAMHS are services to support young people with their mental health and wellbeing. You can get a referral to CAMHS through your GP.
If you feel the school and other agencies aren’t supporting your child with their school anxiety in the way that they should, you can get advice from:
It can be a difficult time when your child is struggling to go into or stay in school. A lot of challenges will happen at home before you even get to school.
You might worry about:
- the impact on your child’s wellbeing and education
- your ability to work and take care of your child
- Your child getting in trouble or facing legal action yourself
- the effect on any other children you have
If the situation is affecting your mental health, it’s important to get help for yourself. Read our advice on what to do if you’re struggling to cope.
Make sure people around you know what’s going on so that they can support you. It’s a good idea to talk to your employer in case you need to take time out of work to care for your child while they’re off school.
If you have friends and family around you, talk to them about what is happening. They might be able to help with looking after your child sometimes to give you some time to yourself or to focus on your other children.
Educating a child who won’t go to school
Sometimes parents and carers feel that they have tried everything but there is no way to get their child back in school. At this point you might be thinking about taking your child out of the school and considering what your other options are.
Try to involve your child as much as possible and discuss what they think would be right for them.
Before withdrawing your child from the school completely, you could talk to the school about any changes in the timetable that would make school more manageable.
If the school is working with you to help your child, there should be a support plan in place. In some circumstances, they may offer a part-time timetable or a phased return. Consider which parts of the day your child finds most challenging and see if you can work a way around them. For example if lunchtimes are an anxious time for your child, you might be able to bring them home for lunch. You can speak to the school with your child about what might help them during the times they feel most anxious.
Part-time and flexible arrangements are usually for a measured period of time to help your child get back to full-time schooling.
If you and your child feel they might be better off at another school, you can apply to the school or local council tomove to another school in your catchment area.
If the local mainstream state schools and academies aren’t the right fit for your child, you could look into different types of schools.
Alternative provision
There are a range of learning environments for children who don’t cope in mainstream school, including pupil referral units (PRUs), forest schools and therapeutic farms. Find out more about alternative provision.
Special schools
If your child has additional needs and they have an EHCP, a special school or special unit attached to a mainstream school (this is sometimes called a specialist resource base (SRB) might be right for them. They offer small class sizes and specialise in different areas of special educational needs.
Technical colleges
If your child is aged 14 to 19 and prefers practical or technical subjects to academic work, a technical college might be right for them.
Private schools
Some children and young people find the small class sizes in private school more suitable. Private schools are fee paying but often offer scholarships and bursaries. Waldorf or Steiner schools are a type of private school that focus on creativity.
More parents and carers are choosing home education as an alternative to school. There are different ways to do this. Some parents teach their children themselves, while others enrol their child in an online school. Children in the care system can be enrolled on a virtual school through their local authority.
Home schooling can be great for your child, but it is a big decision that affects the whole family. Read our advice on:
Page last reviewed: December 2025
Next review due: December 2028
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
