If you’re feeling overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis, you may have parental burnout. You might feel you don’t have time to look after your own needs, or that the pressure to be a ‘good’ parent is too much.
Burnout can appear in a number of ways. So it’s important to recognise when things are getting difficult, and know what you can do about it.
Stress usually comes before burnout. It can be the result of competing pressures and can affect you both physically and mentally. It’s difficult to cope with at times, but you’ll probably be able to identify ways to get things under control.
Burnout happens when stress gets too much. You can feel helpless and defeated. You experience exhaustion, feel detached or depressed, or have little or no motivation.
Some of the signs of parental burnout include:
You may find that your immunity seems lower and that you feel unwell all the time.
If you have symptoms of parental burnout or exhaustion, there are some things you can do.
Know that it’s OK to say no. Look for where you’re putting pressure on yourself or where it feels like others expect too much of you. Prioritise the jobs that are essential and focus on how to achieve those. Making a list can help with this.
You may find you’ve been withdrawing from friends, family and outside activities. But this can increase feelings of isolation.
Think about your support network. Who are they and how could they help you? Are there practical things they could do? This could be friends, family, colleagues or your child’s school.
Your friends and family may not realise what you’re experiencing unless you tell them. Explain them what’s happening. Ask for help if you need it.
If you don’t feel you can talk to friends or family, consider speaking to a health visitor, a children’s centre or your GP. You can also use our one-to-one live chat service.
If you’re feeling anxious or worried about something, try dedicating a certain time in your day to thinking about these fears. Worry time gives you a space to let your mind focus on anxious feelings, rather than letting them build up. If an anxious thought appears throughout the day, note it down and set it aside for later.
You can also try using the worry tree activity to work through what you can do to help with your concerns. Our article explains how to use the worry tree with a child, but you can also use it alone.
When you’re feeling burnt out, your mind is likely to focus on the negatives. Try countering this with a gratitude activity when you wake or before you go to bed.
Pause to think of what you are grateful for. It can be as simple as being grateful that we have air to breathe. It might be helpful to write your thoughts down.
Think about if you’re sleeping well enough. Ask what you can do to improve the quality of your rest times. It can be helpful to:
The NHS has some guidance for insomnia. If you’re still struggling, talk to your GP.
Exercise prompts chemical changes in the brain and positive shift in mood. Follow a yoga or workout tutorial on YouTube. Go for a run or a walk to get outside.
If you’re short on time, start small. Do something for five minutes then work up from that.
Decide on a time in the day where you can take to focus on yourself. Even a little bit can make a difference.
You could try a bath, crafts or colouring, listening to music or a podcast, or making yourself a cup of tea. You can also use breathing techniques to give you a sense of calm. Whatever you choose, the point is to allow yourself to pause and take a breather.
You can get more advice on:
Want more support? For advice on your specific issue, speak to one of our parenting coaches.
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
