Supporting your autistic child with anxiety

It is normal for children and young people to experience some anxious feelings as they grow up. Autistic children may experience this more intensely.

As a parent or carer, it is helpful to know the signs of anxiety and some strategies to support your child.

Lots of people feel anxious about a big change or stressful events. If your child’s anxiety is more constant and is affecting their daily life, speak to their GP. There are some differences between anxiety and an anxiety problem or disorder.

If your child feels anxious, they might:

• be more restless or irritable than usual
• not want to eat
• have more meltdowns
• have panic attacks
• feel unwell
• stim more than usual by making repetitive movements or sounds
• not want to or refuse to go to school

Stimming

A lot of autistic people stim to calm themselves when they feel overwhelmed. They might rock their body, flap their hands or repeat words.

Stimming is your child’s natural coping strategy. Looking out for your child’s stims can help you spot situations that your child finds stressful, so you can find ways to support them.

It’s important other people around your child also know what to look out for when your child is stimming. If your child’s stims are harmful (like head banging) you might need to help them find other calming strategies.

Masking

Autistic children often hide or ‘mask’ their feelings and autistic behaviours. This can make it difficult to tell if they are anxious. Your child might show signs of anxiety at home, but if they mask at school and in other situations, others might not see it. It’s important to let the school know if you’re seeing signs of anxiety.

The National Autistic Society has more information about masking.

Your child’s anxiety could come from:

• communication difficulties and misunderstanding social cues
• not understanding what they are feeling
• worrying about changes
• being over-sensitive or under-sensitive to sensory experiences, like sounds, smells, and bright lights
• people looking at them or expecting them to speak when they don’t feel able to
• masking or hiding their autistic behaviours to ‘fit in’
• performance anxiety at school and in exams
• separation anxiety when they are away from you
• social anxiety around speaking to people they don’t know well

Every child is different and will cope with their feelings in different ways. It’s always a good idea to seek a professional opinion if you’re worried.

You can help your child to understand:

• what makes them feel anxious and what it feels like
• how they can reduce the impact of situations that make them anxious
• how they can calm themself when they are feeling anxious

Understanding their feelings

Depending on your child’s age and communication style, there are different ways you can help them to notice their anxiety.

You could try ‘body mapping’ with them. This is where they pay attention to what anxiety feels like in their body and where they feel it. This can help them to connect physical feelings with their anxious thoughts. They might say:

• their tummy feels funny
• their heart beats faster
• they feel the need to pace
• their hands feel sweaty

You could draw an outline of their body and ask them to label the feelings in their body, or you can download a template for body mapping.

They might like to keep a diary to help them to explore their feelings. They can log what makes them feel anxious so that you can understand the triggers.

Reducing the impact of situations

It’s not always possible to avoid every situation that could make your child anxious, but you can make changes to make it less stressful. You could try:

• preparing your child for new experiences by writing a plan or social story
• Provide visuals like timetables, maps and pictures of where they’re going
• giving them extra time to process information
• distracting them from anxious thoughts by talking about or giving them something relating to their favourite interest
• arriving early to places to settle in or having someone familiar to help with the transition
• having comfort items or fidget toys to hand to help if they feel anxious
• having a space they can go to if their senses are overwhelmed

Calming strategies

You can teach your child some techniques that they can use if they do become anxious. They could try:

• activities to help soothe your worried or anxious child
• walking to deal with feelings of stress

If your child is a sensory seeker, a weighted blanket or deep pressure massage may help calm them. Your child may be a sensory seeker if they need lots of sensory input (through senses like sound or touch, for example).

If your child’s anxiety continues, they might need more support with their mental health. You could speak to:

• their school and find out what support they offer
• your GP, to ask for a CAHMS referral
• a local autism charity or the National Autistic Society

Page last reviewed: May 2025
Next review due: May 2028