Money and mental health as a parent or carer

It can feel overwhelming when you’re struggling to support your family financially and this may affect your wellbeing and mental health.

It’s important to know you’re not alone and that there are things you can do to manage the situation and places to get help.

Some of the ways that money problems can affect mental health include:

• feeling guilty when spending money
• worries about paying every bill
• being afraid to look at your bank account
• feeling worried about talking to your bank or that they might call you
• struggling with sleep
• delaying health or dental needs due to cost of check-up or medication

Worries about money can also lead to low mood, anxiety and depression. You’re more likely to experience this if you’re already suffering with one or more of them.

You may worry about certain things as a parent like childcare, school supplies costs or not being able to do what other families are doing.

It’s also common for financial stress to affect relationships, whether you’re together or co-parenting with an ex-partner. This may happen if one person is struggling with money or isn’t able to make financial contributions, for example. Money can sometimes also be used as a form of financial control in an abusive relationship.

If you’re parenting with another person, talking to the person you’re parenting with can be a good first step to helping you manage the situation together. Read about how to talk to your partner or ex-partner about money.

If you’re a single parent, it may be that you don’t have anyone else contributing to the household. Whatever your family situation, find out what financial support you may be able to get for your child.

If worries about money are affecting you day to day, you can try some things to help you feel calmer and more in control.

Thinking about the future can be one of the things that leads to anxious feelings. It may help you to focus on what’s happening in the moment, whether that’s spending time with your children or what you’re doing at work.

Find things that help you feel calmer in moments of stress. This could be:

• talking to someone you trust
• getting outside
• doing some exercise
• making a list of what you’re grateful for
• breathing or mindfulness activities

You could also focus on finding a sense of control. Some people find it helps to write down a budget and make a list of where they will and won’t spend money. You could also try the Circles of control activity. This involves drawing two circles, and writing down the things you can and can’t control in each circle. Then you focus on the things you can control, and the difference you can make to your situation in this way.

​​Taking some practical steps to improve your financial situation can help you feel less overwhelmed. You could try:​​​

• ​​​​​planning and managing your spending with a budgeting app
• involving the whole family in conversations about family saving goals
• agreeing with your family how much you’ll spend each week by creating a shared budget
• adding a monthly accounts day to your diary, where you look at your accounts and adjust spending based on your family’s needs (if you have a partner or are co-parenting, it’s good to do this together)
• setting some realistic goals like saving a small amount each week or taking one more costly item off your shopping lists

Taking practical steps won’t always seem easy if you’re stressed about money. It may be hard if you struggle with impulse spending or feel panicky when you look at your accounts. Try doing one small thing at a time and seeing if it helps you feel a bit more organised, before trying something else.

If you’re struggling with money and mental health, there are places you can get support. You may find it hard to talk about these issues, but it’s important that you ask for help.

Mental health support

You can get support for mental health from:

• the Money and Mental Health Advice service
• your GP or local mental health services
• Shout’s text support for anyone struggling to cope (text 85258)
• Samaritan’s listening service (116 123)
• family and friends, if you’re able to share what you’re struggling with

Support with money problems

You can get support for money problems from:

• your bank (check if they have services that can help)
• your local Job Centre, for help with employment and Universal Credit
• National Debtline
• Turn2Us
• Citizens Advice helplines
• Money Helper

Turn2Us also has an online benefits calculator.

If your child gets Pupil Premium, ask your school if it can help with any school costs like music lessons, trips or uniform.