If you’re worried your child could be looking at unsafe content online, you might be wondering if it’s OK to check their phone or other devices.
It is always best to speak to your child about online safety and include them in setting rules and limits. This will help them to understand the risks and know what to do if they see something unsafe. Virgin Media O2 and Internet Matters’ Find the Right Words campaign has advice for having more confident conversations about online safety. You can download their guide with helpful tips to start the conversation.
When your child first gets a phone, you can set the ground rules about how and when they use it. You might agree that:
It is best to keep a closer eye on your child’s online behaviour when they are younger. You can give them more freedom as they mature and you both feel confident that they can keep themself safe online.
If you are going to look at your child or teenager’s phone, make it part of your normal routine. Don’t surprise them with it to ‘catch them out’ or as a consequence for behaviour. This could affect their trust in you and make them more secretive. Only look at their phone without their consent if you think they are at risk of harm and the risks outweigh their reaction.
Be clear about what you want to look at and why. For example, your child probably won’t want to show you all their text conversations with their friends. This doesn’t mean that they have anything to hide, but that they want to have privacy. Reassure them that you trust them and don’t need to see all their conversations, but they can share with you if they get a message that worries them.
You might ask to see their messages if you’re worried about them talking to someone they’ve met online. Explain to them in an age-appropriate way that people aren’t always honest about who they are or their intentions online.
It can be hard for adults to keep up to date with what their children like to do online and what the risks are.
You might hear about the latest issues or trends in the news. Your child’s school might speak to their students if they are aware of any issues, like students trying harmful challenges or trends. Sometimes they send letters home to make parents and carers aware. If not, you could ask the school what internet safety they are covering.
Some things you might look out for are:
Sometimes young people might try to hide their online behaviour. This might be because they feel ashamed of something they’re doing or that someone has told them to keep something secret.
They might hide images or conversations in a ‘secret app’ or ‘decoy app’. These apps are designed to look like other tools, such as calculators. Instead, they hide content people don’t what others to see.
You can set your child’s device so they can’t download apps intended for adults. Internet Matters has tips for parents on anonymous and decoy apps.
Setting up parent controls and filters on your child’s devices will help to limit what they can access online. Virgin Media O2 and Internet Matters’ Find the Right Words campaign has a guide to setting up parental controls.
If your child is going out without an adult or going to and from school on their own, you might want to use an app to track their location.
Some parents also set up monitoring apps that give detailed reports of your child’s online activity.
It’s important to talk to your child about what you’re installing and why and explain you’re not spying on them.
If you do find something worrying on your child’s phone, try to stay calm and reassure them that they can talk to you about it. Depending on what you find, you might need to:
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
