How to help your child cope with change or transitions
Change affects everyone in different ways. As adults, we learn how to manage our feelings over time. But children don’t always find it easy to understand or express their emotions.
Sometimes this will impact on how they behave. They may need some guidance to process what’s happening.
You can’t control how your child feels about something. But you can help give them the tools to manage their emotions and develop resilience.
Be aware of types of change
Types of change that may affect your child or impact their behaviour include:
- a new sibling
- change in school or school arrangement
- changes in routine
- conflict at home
- separation or divorce
- parent working away
- moving house
- death of someone close to them
Things that might feel exciting to you could still feel difficult for your child.
If your child is autistic, changes may make them feel very anxious. Read about supporting your autistic child with anxiety.
Acknowledge their feelings
How your child copes with change will depend on their age and the situation. If your child’s behaviour has changed, this may show they need your support.
Young children
Young children may not know what they’re feeling, but you can help them identify the emotion by labelling it.
You can help them name their emotions to help them understand them. You might say “You seem sad” or “You seem nervous”, for example.
Tell them that it’s OK to feel what they’re feeling. Explain that you understand and that you love them.
Older children or teenagers
Provide a supportive environment where they feel able to talk. Let them know their feelings are valid. Give them time to process what’s happening.
Help them identify what they are feeling and what they need support with. Work together where possible to find some positive next steps.
Be aware that your child may seem fine one day but may struggle another day. Their emotions will also change over time.
Talk about change
Some children will find it easier to talk and listen than others. Think about how you can help them understand change.
Younger children
If your child is younger, you could:
- role play an upcoming change with teddies or small toys
- talk about changes in a way your child can understand for their age
- set aside ‘worry time’ at the end of the day for them to share feelings
If you are using toys, try creating a scenario. You can ask your child things like ‘How do you think teddy feels about rabbit moving to a new house?’
It may also help to read stories about change, like The Koala Who Could (Bookshop).
Older children or teenagers
If your child is a little older, it might help to:
- Listen carefully to what they tell you
- suggest journalling or writing things down to help process how they’re feeling
- share your own feelings about change, if this feels appropriate
You can try body mapping with your child. Draw an outline of a body and ask them to point to where they feel different sensations when they are worried. Talk to them about how things like sweaty palms or short breath can tell them how they’re feeling about something.
It’s also helpful to talk when you are side by side doing another activity. This is sometimes called sideways listening. Some people find it easier to share this way rather than talking face to face.
If your child doesn’t want to talk to you, help find alternative people to support them.
Help them connect past and present
When children or teenagers go through a major life change, you can help them by connecting the two phases of their lives.
Try making a book with photos and drawings. For example, if you’re moving house, stick in pictures of their old bedroom and their new bedroom. Talk about the positives of the new house and how exciting it is to be moving. You can also talk about the sadness of leaving.
For older children who may find it harder to communicate, you can help make sure they have support when they need it. It might help to talk to a family friend or a trusted adult at school.
They can also get support online.
Sidekick
Confidential helpline for young people in the UK, run by Action for Children.
Text 07888 868 059 Monday to Friday.
Email help@sidekick.actionforchildren.org.uk
The Mix
Support for young people aged 11 to 25 who are struggling with their mental health.
Text THEMIX to 85258 any time.
Young people can also apply to get 8 counselling sessions by telephone and webchat.
Building resilience
Learning how to cope with and bounce back from stressful situations is an important life skill. This is also known as resilience. It’s something your child can build throughout their lives.
Part of this is finding ways to work towards acceptance of change. Help your child:
- understand that things don’t always go to plan – talk about examples and let them share their experiences too
- focus on the things they can control
- know who can support them when things feel hard
- find ways to relax and take a step back when things get too much
- look for a positive in each day
- try to stay in the moment rather than worrying about the unknown
After a change, work with your child to try to learn from the experience. Things might not always go as you want them to. Reflect on what happened, what went well and not so well, and anything you might do differently next time.
If your child is young, read advice on building resilience in toddlers.
Help them see the positives
Children may imagine the worst when facing the fear of the unknown. They might say things like, “You’ll love the new baby more than me” or “No one will be friends with me”.
You can:
- reframe thinking by talking about any positives that may come with the change
- help them visualise a realistic picture of the new situation
- focus on things that are working well for them and what they could to help
them prepare for change - get them to talk to friends or family who have gone through similar changes
Think about how you cope with change
Change can be hard for parents and carers too. You might find change difficult for many different reasons. Or if your child is struggling, you might feel you lack control. Relationships may also become harder during times of change.
It can help to:
- be aware of how you react to change – reflect on how you’ve coped in the past and what you can learn from this
- focus on what you can control and what you can do about these things
- try to focus on one thing at a time, to make it feel more manageable
- reflect on how much you’ve achieved despite any difficulties
- find support – this could be friends or family, or support services in your area
Consider what your child could learn from how you handle change. This includes showing them it’s OK to ask for help.
Get more support
If you’re worried about your child, speak to your GP or school as a first step. They may be able to refer you to local support.
If your child is struggling to cope with a specific change in circumstances, we have advice on:
- supporting your child with anxiety about changes at school
- supporting your teenager through a relationship breakup
- helping your child adjust to separation or divorce
- supporting to child when someone has died
Page last reviewed: August 2025
Next review due: August 2028
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
