Helping your baby or toddler to sleep
It can be difficult to adjust to a baby’s or toddler’s sleep patterns. You may feel anxious when they won’t sleep easily or if they keep waking up in the night, especially if you’re already exhausted.
It can help to understand some of the reasons why babies and toddlers need help to fall asleep or stay asleep, and what you can try to help them settle.
Baby and toddler sleep needs
Some babies and toddlers sleep more than others and each baby will need different levels of help to sleep. People may ask you if your baby has slept through the night from quite early on, but this is a skill that many babies take time to develop. It’s a good idea to focus on what’s normal for your child rather than what other babies are doing.
It’s common for babies and toddlers to:
- take some time to get to sleep
- wake during the night
- have periods of light sleep
The amount of sleep your child needs will change over time.
The NHS has some guidelines on how much sleep babies and toddlers need by age, but your child may need more or less than this.
Their naps will change as they grow, too. Newborns tend to have lots of short naps throughout the day. As they get older, they may sleep for a couple of hours at a time, then be awake for a few hours in between. Naps may change again at:
- 6 months: 2 naps, of about 3.5 hours in total
- 18 months: 1 or 2 naps, of between 1.5 and 2 hours in total
- 3 years: they may stop napping, although some children will keep napping longer
As with night-time sleep, nap lengths and timings will depend on your child’s needs.
Night waking is completely normal for babies and toddlers. It’s unusual for a baby, especially one younger than 3 months, to sleep through the night. This can continue into the first year or even beyond, although how often your child wakes may change. Some children sleep through the night much earlier than others, but even in these cases a child may wake early in the morning.
You baby or toddler may sleep well for some time and then that might change. This is common as they develop. These changes are sometimes called sleep regressions.
Your child’s sleep pattern may change due to:
- a period of rapid growth
- learning new skills like crawling or walking
- disruptions to the family routine
- separation anxiety (wanting to be close to their main carers)
- teething or discomfort
- bugs or illness
Settling your baby to sleep
Most babies and toddlers need some help to get to sleep or get back to sleep after waking. You can try some different approaches, but what works best will depend on your child.
Your baby will find it easier to sleep when they are fed, dry and comfortable. Before settling them to sleep, check if:
- they’re hungry
- they need to burp
- their nappy is clean and dry
- they’re somewhere comfortable
- they’re too hot or cold
- they’re teething or feeling other discomfort
Creating a bedtime routine for your baby can help them know what to expect. You can decide what’s included and make it unique to your family. Your routine might include a few steps before sleep or a longer sequence, which might include:
- a fresh nappy and change of clothes
- reading books at the same time each night
- a bath
- singing a song
- a cuddle and kiss
A routine can help with both bedtime and naps. Try to keep a few key elements of the routine consistent every day, even if some things need to change (like if your child is sleeping at the other parent’s house).
If your baby is very young, they may enjoy the feeling of being swaddled. Swaddling is when you wrap your baby up a breathable blanket to help them feel safe (although some babies will prefer being able to move around more). If you’d like to try swaddling, ask a midwife or health visitor to show you how to do it. You should stop swaddling your baby as soon as they show signs of wanting to roll.
The Lullaby Trust also has advice on safe swaddling.
It’s important to do what works for you and your child at the time. Your child may find it easy to settle to sleep independently or they may need more help.
Some babies like:
- rocking
- patting
- feeding to sleep
Over time they may get used to a certain way of getting to sleep and want to keep doing this as they grow into a toddler. You only need to consider changing this if it stops working for you or your child. You can make changes gradually, by introducing a new form of settling while slowly removing the original one. This could be replacing feeding with patting, for example.
The Lullaby Trust recommends keeping your baby in the same room as you for the first six months. After that, you can move them to another room if you want to, when you’re both ready.
Some babies are happy to sleep in a separate space like a cot from when they are young. Others find it easier to fall asleep close to you and get upset when they are put down. If your baby doesn’t like being away from you, you may decide to think about keeping them close in a safe way that allows you both to get more rest. If you’re thinking about co-sleeping, The Lullaby Trust has some advice on how to co-sleep safely.
If you want to change where your baby sleeps, it can be helpful to make small gradual changes to get them used to the new set-up.
Your baby may also sleep in different places for their naps, like a pram, depending on your routine and their needs. Be careful not to fall asleep with your child by mistake on a chair: sleeping with your baby on a sofa or armchair can increase the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.
When your child repeatedly gets upset when you leave a room, this is called separation anxiety. Separation anxiety can affect sleep from early on or as your child grows older. It can be stronger through times of change. These are sometimes changes that can seem small to you, such as being away from home or people coming to stay.
It can help to understand that they see going to sleep as a separation from you. If you consistently return over time, they will learn that you’re there for them.
To help reassure them, you can try:
- leaving something that smells of you (like a t-shirt) in the space where they sleep, making sure it’s safely tucked into the bed so your baby can’t pull it out
- spend time with your baby or toddler in a new space before moving them into it
- move a little further away from the cot or sleep space each night after saying goodnight, so they get used to the idea, rather than leaving suddenly
If your baby or toddler won’t sleep
If you feel like you’ve tried everything, it can be helpful to look for patterns that might indicate an issue you haven’t considered, ask for support getting rest where you can, or get professional advice.
A sleep diary can help you to see if there is anything that could be affecting how long or well your baby sleeps for. This might feel like just another job when you’re already tired, but it can help you notice patterns and make changes. Your diary can include things like:
- how long their naps were and how many they had
- how they fed that day
- bedtime routine
- time they fell asleep and length of sleep
Using a sleep diary is most useful between 6 months and 5 years old. If you notice any patterns, you can take the diary to your health visitor, GP or local children’s centre for help understanding what you can do next.
It can be hard to cope if your baby is waking frequently at night, especially if it continues for a long time. You may feel your child’s sleep will never change and find it difficult to manage the exhaustion.
You child’s sleep will naturally change as they grow, but it’s still important to find ways to make things easier to manage in the meantime. You may want to:
- ask family or friends to come and help when they can so you can rest
- speak to your health visitor, who may be able to offer advice or refer you to a specialist
- contact the Sleep Charity’s National Sleep Helpline
- apply for Cerebra sleep support
- apply for a Home-Start volunteer to help you manage parenting challenges
- search for your local branch of Mind, for information about local mental health support in your area
The Basis website from Durham University provides research evidence on biologically normal sleep for babies. You can also read our article on coping with night-time feeds.
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
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