Potty training or toilet training your child
Learning to use the potty can be a big moment for your child. It may not always come easily or happen quickly, but that’s OK. You can work with your child to help them understand and practise.
It can help to make some decisions about your approach before beginning, and to understand some common challenges.
When to start potty training or toilet training
Many children begin potty training between 18 months and 3 years old, but it can vary. There is no ‘right’ time to start. Rather than going by age, look for signs that your child is ready.
Your child may be ready to potty train if they:
- know when they need to wee and may tell you in advance
- show they need to wee by fidgeting
- can tell you when they’re wetting or pooing in their nappy
- know when they have a wet or dirty nappy
- have a dry nappy for at least an hour or more between wees
Not all children will show signs that they are ready. So it’s also important to do what makes sense for your family as a whole.
Potty training takes time and consistency, so try to start when the family routine is regular. For example, it’s best not to start just before moving home or going on holiday.
Some parents find the process easier in the summer. There are fewer clothes to take off and washed clothes dry faster.
You can’t force your child to use a potty before they’re ready. They’ll get it when the time is right, but it’s important to be patient. Do what is right for you and your child, rather than what other families are doing.
If you’re unsure if your child is ready, you can talk to your health visitor, GP, or call the ERIC helpline for free on 0808 801 0343.
Preparing your child for potty training
Helping your child understand the idea of potty training before you start can help you and your child feel more relaxed about the process.
You can introduce the potty as part of family life by:
- leaving the potty where your child can see it and explaining what it’s for (you can involve them in picking a potty if you want)
- seeing if they’re happy to sit on the potty, maybe after a nappy change
- reading picture books together about potty training
- allowing them to see an older sibling use the potty
- taking turns to sit your child’s toys on the potty
Some children might be more interested in the toilet than the potty, because that’s what they see grown-ups using. Your child can skip the potty and go straight to the toilet with the help of special seats and steps. You could give your child the choice of the potty or the toilet.
Talk about wee and poo while changing your child’s nappy. Use positive language and avoid making it sound like wee or poo are unpleasant or bad.
Tell them when their nappy is wet or dry and explain what this means. If you have space, it can help to change nappies in the bathroom so your child knows that the room is for doing wees or poos.
Involve your child with flushing the toilet or washing their hands after a nappy change. Give lots of praise when they flush the toilet, wash their hands or dress themselves after a nappy change.
Tell your child when you’re going to the toilet and why so they begin to understand the process. Over time they will learn that you are linking the feeling of needing to go with an action. You can also use visual cues, such as flash cards with pictures of the steps involved, to help them learn.
How to start potty training or toilet training
Once you’re ready to start potty training, you can start making changes to your family routine. There are some things to think about that can help make the process feel easier for you all.
Don’t feel you have to switch straight from nappies to the potty. It’s fine to keep using nappies when you go out and at night if that works best for you.
You can gradually make using the potty of the daily routine for your child by:
- leaving their nappy off around the times they usually poo and see if they want to use the potty
- encouraging them to sit on the potty at certain times of day, such as after a meal or before bed
- notice how often your child needs the potty or any signs they need to go, then suggest they try the potty at these times – they might need gentle reminders when they’re absorbed in play
- encouraging your child to use the potty if they show or tell you they need a wee or poo
You might want to stick to wees until your child builds up the confidence to do a poo in the potty. It’s fine for boys to sit down to have a wee. If you want to teach standing up, it can come later.
Give your child lots of encouragement whenever they try or succeed.
Try not to be cross with them if they don’t reach the potty in time or don’t seem willing to try. This can lead them to feel anxious or ashamed. Instead praise them when they do reach the potty in time. Keep calm and clean up when you need to.
Let your child know that they’ll learn how to use the potty in their own time and it’s OK to need help sometimes.
To make it easier for your child to use the potty, you can:
- keep clothing simple so your child can pull things up, down or off
- keep potty time short but leave a few toys close by to keep your child engaged
- make sure there is a potty nearby – you might want to move it when they move or have potties in different rooms of your home
- take a potty with you when you go out
It can help to:
- make sure anyone who looks after your child knows how you are potty training so they can do things the same way
- give short, clear instructions so your child knows what you’re asking
- know that the process can take time (it can be weeks or months)
- share your routine with other carers, like nursery, so you’re taking the same approach
Coping with potty training difficulties
Some children will potty train quickly while others will take longer. Sometimes, your child may find the process difficult.
Common potty training difficulties can include:
- being happy to wee in the potty but not wanting to poo in the potty, or the other way round
- wanting to stay in nappies
- fear of the potty
If your child isn’t doing as you ask, it may be that they are struggling with something. Try to avoid putting pressure on them or appearing upset if they don’t use the potty as you hoped.
If you start and your child doesn’t seem ready, it’s OK to stop and try again later instead of forcing it.
When the time is right, making some small changes might help your child adjust easier. For example, you could:
- encourage your child to decorate the potty with stickers or give it a name
- sing a potty song together
- give your child some space by putting the potty somewhere with a little privacy
- try using a toilet training seat (which sits on top of a normal toilet)
- use the potty even if your child has done a poo in their pants, by tipping it in after and talking about how poo goes in the potty
- put some new or different books or toys next to the potty to keep your child engaged
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
