Your child will go through lots of changes during their teenage years. This can prompt complex feelings for both of you. But they still need you, even if this doesn’t always feel obvious. You can help by embracing the change and supporting them as they grow.
Children’s bodies and brains change during this time. This can affect decision making, memory, sleep and communication.
It can be helpful to know that their language is still not fully developed, which can influence how they engage in tricky conversations. Give them time to consider how they want to respond.
Be aware that they may also misread your actions or think you’re going to say something you’re not. Think about what your actions and body language tell them. Try to find ways to show that you love them in your daily actions. This could be sending texts or a funny photo, or giving them a hug or a smile.
Their opinions may be different to yours. That’s OK. Listen to their side of things. Show them they are valued and appreciated.
Help them understand that you’re there for them. Be kind and encourage your child when they make mistakes. Try to engage in active listening. If your teen feels that you will criticise or judge, they’re less likely to turn to you when they need to.
Take interest in their friends and hobbies. Listening to the little stuff means that they are more likely to come to you with the big stuff. The more you can encourage your child to talk, the more you will learn about them.
Find opportunities to enjoy being with your child. Make it clear that you like spending time with them. This can help build their self-esteem.
It’s likely that you’ll have some moments that feel difficult. It’s OK that you don’t have all the answers, or may need time to process things.
Read our advice on having difficult conversations.
As your child becomes more independent, they are likely to want more privacy. It can be hard to know how to keep your child safe while also giving them space.
Try to talk to them about the situation, and step back when you can.
There may be times when you’re worried about your child or their behaviour feels too much. We have some advice on what to do if your child is being violent. Or how to help if they’re self-harming.
Want more support? For advice on your specific issue, speak to one of our parenting coaches.
This advice was written by our experienced Parent Talk coaches. Parent Talk is a free online service for parents and carers, provided by the charity Action for Children. For more advice, message our parenting coaches with our online chat.
